Pregnant Women are Smug?

A few years ago, an awesome comedy duo released a brilliant song. Then they released an amazing video to go with it.

It's funny, it's insightful, it's, in many cases, highly accurate.

My friends actually introduced me to this one when I first told them I was pregnant. We all laughed, and I promised not to be too self-satisfied on this journey.

Frankly, I think I've done a pretty good job, but then most pregnant women probably think they are the exception. I've admitted that pregnancy is not a magical time full of life-affirming feelings and getting in touch with my inner goddess or whatever. Pregnancy is hard, often uncomfortable, and as terrifying and weird as it is awkward and tedious. I'm exhausted, emotional, stressed out, and frequently sore and in pain thanks to random bodily changes that I had no way of anticipating. I haven't tried to sugar coat any of that when my friends ask me how things are going, and I've done my best to quiet down the complaining, because, after all, this (or the end result) is something I want.

So the other day, I was a bit put off when a friend of mine started humming the above song when I said a single positive thing about being pregnant. The friend had asked if I was enjoying my pregnancy, and I admitted that while "enjoying" was putting it in more positive terms than I would usually choose, that there was something unquestionably cool about doing what I'm doing. I think I used the term "bad ass" to explain how strong and proud I feel that I can actually make a person, despite the many discomforts and weird sensations that go along with it.

My friend hummed the song, and it instantly shut me up. After all, I didn't want to appear "smug" about my pregnancy.

But, in a lot of ways, that's really not fair. I am more than happy to applaud my friends when they accomplish awesome things or do something they are proud of. I am genuinely happy for them and will celebrate with them, because they are my friends. They usually will celebrate with me, as well, when I achieve something of note, or do something impressive. Why is being pregnant different? Yeah, it's a biological process, and there's little I'm consciously doing to stitch together this person inside of me. But for anyone who doubts that it requires a great deal of effort, patience, and energy to accomplish simply surviving a pregnancy with a smile on your face has never dealt with round ligament pain, back aches, or feet stuck in their ribs.

I think I'm allowed to be a little bit proud of myself for what I'm doing here, and I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that way. Pregnancy is hard, and I would hope that I deserve a little more respect for what I'm going through. Yes, it's my choice to be knocked up, and it's my choice to give up my body and my free time to create the family I want. I know, or at least had an idea, of what I was signing up for when I embarked on this journey. That doesn't mean I don't deserve more than to be mocked when I actually take pride or feel excitement or joy in what is happening to me.

So while I enjoy the video and appreciate the humor of mocking the sanctimonious high some women get when they get knocked up, I don't appreciate it being wielded as a weapon by people I care about to get me to be quiet about my experiences or downplay what I'm going through. It's not nice, and it shows a distinct lack of respect for me as a person and as a mother to be.

The Bump

No one else can tell yet, and frankly, it's hard to see anything in the mirror, but I'm actually starting to get a bump. I can feel it just beneath the skin. Instead of the soft pudge I used to get when I gained a little weight or the bloat I've been feeling for weeks, this feels different. It's tauter, more solid.

It's so weird to feel my body changing like this. I'm finally starting to keep down food on a regular basis and actually getting hungry (Ok, I'm starving all the time!). I'm also starting to get a little more energy than I had in my first few weeks. At first these positive changes actually worried me. With the negative symptoms, I had something I could hold on to: there's clearly a baby in there making me feel so awful and refusing to let me even smell bourbon.

Now that I have days where I feel good, I start thinking that something awful has happened and I'm not pregnant anymore. I know that's strange, but this whole thing is still so new. I'm adjusting to what my new normal is, and any change has me thinking the worst.

Then, a few days ago, I had a little stomach ache and put my hand over my belly as if to comfort it. That's when I noticed. It felt different. It didn't feel like my stomach. The shape had changed slightly, the density of it was different. I tried sucking in, but even though I could still make my stomach look fairly uniform, I could still feel that tiny bump.

I'm not going to lie, I teared up a bit at that. Every day there's just another reminder. This is really happening. My life is changed. I'm going to be a mom. I just hope I'm a good one.

Morning Sickness and Nutrition

Committing to writing in the past week has been incredibly difficult, thanks to the glories of pregnancy symptoms. Specifically, morning sickness has kicked my butt seven ways from Sunday.

When they named it morning sickness, it was clearly just a vicious attempt to mislead women about the duration of the symptom. You see, it doesn't just happen in the morning. It first rears its evil head in the morning, but that's just because you can ignore it when you're asleep.

By the time you crawl out of bed, your stomach is in revolt. The idea of food is revolting, and yet, you're starving for just about anything. I've had days where I literally eat nothing but saltine crackers and sip ginger ale, and even that is touch and go. Certain smells will send me running for the bathroom, and it's all I can do to force myself to eat foods that are nutritious and inoffensive.

I've tried to describe it to my friends who have never been pregnant and likely never will be. Imagine your worst hangover. Take away the headache and the cotton mouth but add a strong sensitivity to smells and a weird metallic taste in your mouth. Now spread that out over three weeks. That is morning sickness.

Even as you're trying to choke down any sort of food to get through the day, everything you read about pregnancy emphasizes how crucial these early days are for development of your little one. You have to get the right amount of protein, iron, calcium, vitamin C, folic acid, fiber, and just plain calories, and don't you dare risk dehydration, or it all goes to hell. So you're swallowing horse pills full of nutritional supplements, hoping that does the trick, but even that is best taken with food, lest it upset your stomach.

It's enough to drive you mad.

Thankfully, I have managed to find some workarounds that work for me, and I'm reading all the literature to find new ways to trick my body into keeping food down. Still, the only solution is to wait this part of the pregnancy out and hope the morning sickness subsides by next month.

If you're having trouble with morning sickness, here are a few easy snacks that work for me. Yes, they are a lot of small pseudo meals, and you will feel like all you're doing is eating or getting ready for your next meal, but it really is important to get those nutrients and hold yourself together.

Recommended food:

• Frozen grapes - recommended by a friend of mine who also suffered from morning sickness early on. They feel like a treat while giving you something to keep in your stomach and keep your blood sugar up. It's also much easier to eat slowly if they're frozen, giving your stomach time to adjust to food.
• All-fruit popsicles - In the same vein as frozen grapes, popsicles with chunks of fruit can get you a lot of nutrients in a way that helps soothe your stomach. Stay away from the popsicles that are little more than sugar and flavored water. You get nothing out of them, and some of the dyes may irritate your stomach lining. Stick with organic or 100% fruit options for now.
• Homemade guacamole on whole wheat crackers or toast - For some healthy fats and a good dose of vitamins, smash up some ripe avocado with chunky salsa and slather it on whole wheat crackers or toast. The carbs will fill you up while you get a good share of vitamins you need.
• String cheese - I bought some low-fat mozzarella string cheese, and some days that's the only way I get calcium in my body. The taste is bland enough that it won't upset your stomach, and the process of eating it allows you to take small amounts at a nice slow rate.
• Greek yogurt with fruit - Sometimes it's a bit too much for me, as Greek yogurt is much thicker and heavily fortified than regular yogurt, but adding in a bit of honey and extra fruit helps me get the calcium and protein I often desperately need.
• Cheese toast - This is a comfort food for me. Cheddar cheese on whole wheat bread, toasted until the cheese is nice and melted. Pair it with tomato soup if you're feeling adventurous for a well-balanced lunch.
• Scrambled eggs - Eggs are a serious super food, and if you scramble them up with a little cheese, or peppers and onions, you can get a hefty dose of energy first thing in the morning. Sautee the peppers and onions first to soften them up, and add your beaten eggs and cheese after a few minutes. You can even make an omelette if you're feeling adventurous, but sometimes the firmer texture of omelettes didn't agree with me, while softer scrambled eggs almost always did.

The trick is to find foods you like that you can actually eat. If you have a craving for cereal and that's all you seem to be able to eat, go for out. But try adding some blueberries or banana on top to sneak in some nutrition. If you're dying for a turkey sandwich, use oven roasted turkey instead of the over-processed deli meats, and add a slice of cheese, some lettuce and tomato to it. If all you can eat is crackers and ginger ale, well, honey, I've been there. You eat what you can, and I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Pregnancy Positive

I found out I was pregnant while on vacation with my family and close friends. To be honest, when I first saw the results of the test, I truly didn’t know what to make of it. Sometimes, I guess, I can be a bit thick.

You see, when they show positive pregnancy tests in the movies, the positive line is always clear and unquestionable. That positive is bright blue, and you are definitely pregnant.

That’s not the way it worked for me. I followed the directions on the test and sat there waiting for the full two minutes waiting for the results. The control line appeared, clear as day. Then, crossing that line was a very faint, almost imperceptible second line. I squinted, angled it, turned on the light, held it up to the window, angled it another way, and squinted some more. Was it positive? Was I pregnant?

Honestly, I had no clue. I thought the results would be clearer, but instead I was left with this ambiguous, faint line that told me nothing.

Shaking all over, I took the stick to my friend who had just had her third child, thinking, surely she would know what the test meant. She squinted, angled the text, held it up to the light and declared she didn’t know either. So I had to ask more people. By the time we had four of us peering over this stick, my friend who had been trying to conceive for the past several years took an authoritative look: “If you can see anything, it’s a positive test. It’s early, but you’re definitely pregnant.”

I started shaking harder. “Are you sure?”

She was.

Well that turned my world upside down.

I mean, I was trying for this exact result and had been for most of the past year. But actually seeing the positive test made it real for me. Pregnant.

Was I excited? Of course. Somewhere under the overwhelming terror, I was very excited. But my first thought was “I can’t do this. I can’t be a mom. I’m not ready.”

This was the sort of thing that happened to other people. Other people got pregnant. Other people had kids. Other people had their lives flipped upside down.

How could there possibly be a person growing inside me?

So while I acknowledged that the test was positive and began to act like it, I’m not sure I really believed it. I quit drinking, avoided caffeine, started taking prenatal vitamins and scheduled a doctor’s appointment for eight weeks, but I didn’t believe it.

When the fatigue set in and the morning sickness started, I still didn’t believe it. I was experiencing nausea 40% of the time I was awake for two straight weeks and still couldn’t convince myself that this was real. As my friends noticed I had quit drinking and wouldn’t get into the hot tub and was disappearing into the bathroom at random times, I conceded that I might be pregnant. But I didn’t believe it.

It wasn’t until I had my first doctor’s appointment and heard the heartbeat inside of me that it became real.

I guess I can be a bit thick sometimes.